I wonder why I feel I have to stay so busy doing meaningless stuff. Perhaps I need to take a fast, and clear my mind, and figure out what things are actually important and which ones are meaningless.
And why does the silence bother me so much. Sitting alone without any type of noise for longer than 5 minutes seems to make me nervous. I suppose its being nervous of my own thoughts, but why. Maybe if I gave myself time alone to think the thoughts wouldn't build and build and a giant wave of emotion wouldn't happen all at once that has me crying for something that appears to be simple.
It's not often I meet someone and think they should be in Gilmore Girls. I remember at one time meeting a person like this before, but now I have no idea who they are.
However, when I met my neighbor, David it made me think of such a person and I want to make a note for next time when I try and remember who it was that reminds me of Gilmore Girls
Woah I've been in Colorado for about two months now. I have been working at my first grown up job for two weeks, and I really love it. I love the people and everything about it.
There is just something exciting about getting to help people who really need my help.
I still feel like I have too many things to get done, but instead of working on them, I'm just sitting here staring at the big mess that is my living room. I am very aware that all of these things I am staring at cannot be in this apartment after Sunday morning. And for them to not be here, I either need to find Merlin or throw them away/ pack them myself.
The fact is though, I am feeling super lazy and am wanting to play on my PS3, watch TV and take a nap. Perhaps I should make a list?
Clean Living Room
Clean Guest Bathroom
Clean Main Bathroom
Fill out Job applications
Yesterday I was sent a text asking if I would share my testimony at a bible study I attend. When I first saw it I thought oh great now I have to talk in front of people. And I analyzed all the excuses I could come up with to try and get out of it, because talking in front of people is way down on the list of things I enjoy doing.
And then I decided I needed to not be afraid of this and actually do it, because talking about my life should be the thing I can talk about the best. And I went and I talked and went through my life and all the bad things and all the miraculous things, and all the hurt and pain. And then I got to the love of God and when I truly understood it and it made me start to cry. And then I tried to wrap it up, because it's too hard to keep talking through tears.
And I was amazed looking back on all of it, that I can talk about the pain, and how I tried to be good and tried to do everything right so much that it made me hate myself, and talk about my father leaving and not knowing where in life I would be if it were not for my Grandparents taking me in. And everything I've had to endure in life and I could talk about it tear free.
But when I got to Chris and Amber letting me live with them, and Becky letting me live with her. And meeting Chris and going with him to hear a speaker who talked about God loving us no matter what, the tears started coming.
And I realized throughout all of my life the most important thing, event, hour of my life that touched me the most was that one church service I went to because I wanted to hang out with this guy that I really liked. And part of me doesn't even know how to put into words how much it has affected and changed my life.
It's almost October. Wow! Which means it's almost time to start selling all our furniture, cleaning walls, cleaning everything, painting and fixing the small scratch that somehow got on the hardwood floor.
Then before we know it all of our belongings that we have chosen to keep will be in the Jeep and we will be hitting the road to end up in Colorado. I'm excited. I'm excited I can quit the serving job I have, and find something that is well.. not serving. I'm excited for Chris that he can quit his job and do something he will enjoy I am sure a lot more. I'm excited about all the opportunities we will find from living in a bigger city.
And I wonder what two years from now will look like. We will hopefully be out of debt from me having gone to college, and starting to save up to buy a house. We will hopefully both have jobs we enjoy, and have new friends who are awesome.
The future looks incredibly bright and I can't wait to see what exactly comes of it.
I cooked with wine for the second time ever. The first time I used cooking wine and it just didn't turn out right when I tried to make Chicken Marsala. This time I made a Chicken in White Wine. I used a Reisling, because the cook on TV that I learned about this from used it. I was nervous because the first time I ever heard mention of a Reisling was on Gilmore Girls when it was referred to as Battery Acid. I even sipped it when I got the bottle and somewhat understood the reference.
However, the chicken turned out amazing and I was super proud of it. :) Maybe now I'll try Chicken Marsala again, with actual Marsala wine.
So the workout thing, hasn't been going so well, which I should probably try and fix but it's been harder to do than to write.
The cooking thing however, has been going well. I've been watching the cooking channel, and making things I have never made before, like homemade hot dog chili. It's been exciting and is starting to lead me down a path of wanting to become a real cook, and be able to make things and come up with recipes without having to follow somebody else. I want to be able to taste thing and think Tarragon would go really nicely in this dish, or maybe even some snap peas. But sadly I really have no idea what Tarragon would taste like or what dishes I could add it to to make things taste really nicely.
I did order a cookbook that is supposed to help me learn how to cook without following a recipe, and I can't wait for it to get here, maybe I will try and go through the whole cook book and pull a Julia and Juliet.
I did learn that snap peas are the bomb if you bowl them for one minute and then throw them in bowling water. It might be my new favorite thing. It makes them taste really sweet and amazing.
I'm kind of been in an off mode all day. I found out one of my friends was arrested for aggravated statutory rape. Which is a terrible thing, and if I didn't personally know him, and hadn't known this guy for six or seven years, I would just think what a perv just throw him in jail and don't let him out. But I do know him, and he is somebody who I have hung out with a 1000 times. There was even a labor day party at his house, just three days ago, and everything seemed fine and normal. Apparently, it wasn't.
I've just been thinking about how this will ruin his life, probably forever. And you should know better before having sex with somebody that much younger than you. And how it's a really stupid idea to let teenage girls spend the night at your house when your 35 years old.
I would just like to say Orzo is the bomb. I made something with it for the first time. It's my new favorite rice/noodle thing.