So life has been exciting. Mostly though things stay the same. I suppose I could have been writing in here but things would have sounded like I went to class again. I saw my boyfriend again. I worked again. Honestly though I have really enjoyed it.

So today I had the joys of seeing my stepbrother Paul. I have not seen him in at least three years. He has decided he is staying until at least January 1st. I have a weird suspension that he is trying to move here.

I have also made it to the 11 month mark in dating. My boyfriend keeps hinting at our one year anniversary being a “special day” and we need to celebrate, but will not tell me anything else. He also keeps hinting about rings, and the “special day”. I honestly think on the “special day” he is going to get one knee and then say “Sharon will you …. Wait for me while I tie my shoe”

So in less than a month I may or may not be engaged. Does this seem weird to anybody else?

Lately I have begun to realize I am starting to become more liberal than I used to be.

I don't know maybe college is rubbing off on me. I would not go as far as to say I am a democrat, but I have realized there are more important things to a candidate than if they are a democrat or a republican. However, I have come to an interesting point where I don't know if I would still call myself a republican.

At this point in the election I don't even really care who wins, I am just incredibly glad it is basically over.

Yay for Wednesday!!!!

I should be writing a paper right now so that clearly means I am NOT writing it!

What will I procrastinate on when I have graduated from college?

I just don't understand why years later the past still some days has to hurt. Can't I just forget or can't the experience not be painful? Why can't I instead of hurt break out with the desire to dance, or do homework that would make past not fun events seem more exciting.

I am pretty excited about Wednesday! No more Election commercials.

So today I found out I am practicing in an abomination of God...

I did the unforgivable....

I am a Heathen....

I committed the unpardonable sin.....

I celebrated Halloween...

A very informative Christian track from a very nice man at Wal-Mart told me this.

I love Religious Christianity!

So it is 2 in the morning and I can’t sleep…

I have a friend who does not sleep until 5 Am every day, by her standards it is still early.

I suppose part of my reason was that I was thinking about the future, which I try and not do often since I really believe you go crazy if you think about the future too much.

So lately life has stayed the same. I really like that though. Life is much more exciting when there is not drama in yet. I have very little complaints in life. I just wish it was December, which would mean I have a whole month of no homework! Yay for that!

If you have a friend and they are doing something, which has a good chance of hurting them in the long run should you say anything? Even if they already know it might hurt them, and are happy with what they are doing right now. This is not physical hurt by the way, more of emotional.

I really did not have much of a reason for writing, other than I believe writing is lethargic and sometimes helps me go to sleep.

I feel like every time I use my livejournal I sound supper depressed, and as I should be wearing only black as I am writing. I also believe I appear to have anger issues when I write.

In reality the majority of the time I stay fairly happy, and I rarely get angry, except when I was a teenager, but really who didn’t? Life is pretty good, however writing about how life is pretty good never seems to enter my mind, I usually only want to use this when something is on my mind, which usually is when something is bothering me or making me angry.

I just want to point out that I am not depressed, so nobody needs to call the suicide hotline for me. I also do not need anger management classes, unless I am just in serious denial.

I just wished I like writing school papers this much…..

Date:	2008-10-19 21:08
Subject:	Wanted: Nun Replacement and 10 months
Security:	Public
Mood:	happy
Music:	Gilmore Girls

Today is a major life accomplishment. I have been dating the same person for 10 months now. Life is crazy like that! Yes 10 months is a big accomplishment for me if you knew my dating record.

I really never thought I would find somebody who I liked enough to stick around with for 10 months, or the other way around.

And let me tell you this person I like enough to stick around for another 10 months, and another 10 months after that, and so on.

I know mushiness is never highly appreciated so I am not trying to be mushy by any means.
However I am in aww over the fact that I who was maybe the only girl who never thought about marriage. I was really happy with starting the Assemblies of God Nuns, and being single forever. This was honestly a year and half ago a true desire of mine, in a totally joking way.

I am actually looking for a girl to take over my planning of the Assemblies of God Nuns, so if you have an ambition for this job let me know.

Anyways, the point of all that randomness was to say that I actually found a guy who changed all of that, who changed my desire to be single forever.

And it made me realize last night that I was just wondering when is it you make it to a point in life when everything you thought you wanted changes.

Well I suppose I am now at that point in life.

Tennessee actually won a game! I am pretty excited.

I now wish I had not avoided watching the game. I just now went on ESPN to see how "badly they lost". When to my amazement they won!

Yay! There is still hope!

And life is good!

So I went to my weekly bible study tonight. The topic was possibly my LEAST favorite topic to talk about ever. What was the topic you might be wondering, none other than sin. Not, just sin though but grey areas.

I heard the topic brought up and realized I would hate this topic from the start. "If something is a grey area how do we decide if it is a sin or not?"

And if somebody looks like a witch should we burn them? (No that one I added on my own.)

I could at this point have mentioned all the different things I found wrong with this question. I could have mentioned how this had to be the most pointless and non-profitable topic ever….. I could have completely changed the subject to Monty Python and started deciding why somebody was a witch.

I however waited while different issues were discussed back and forth. Drinking when is it a sin? (wow how thought provoking) Gambling……. Tattoos…… Movies…..eating out…..she’s a witch!!!!.....because she floats….

I kept finding myself getting more and more mad with each ridiculous comment. I also started to realize how the topic in no way related to Christianity…… or witches…… either one I would have been happier with.

Finally when it was brought up when we should tell somebody their sin is just getting “too out of hand” I could not hold back any longer.

I don’t remember exactly what I said. I wish I did because basically the conclusion sounded something like “Sharon is right. The end”

I do remember saying something along the lines of this, however this will probably be more of what I would have said if I didn’t care about anyone’s feelings and if I just wanted to make everyone look stupid…which I really wanted to do.


I do not believe whatever the person is doing is the problem. Telling somebody to stop sinning fixes nothing, since in the end people are going to do what they want. Therefore, you must change people’s motives. If all you are really worried about is keeping somebody from sinning why do you need Jesus anyway? If this is your only motivation in life just leave him out of it. Clearly, you think you can make it through life on your own. Please stop making the name of Christ look bad! I am sick and tired of people assuming I act like this. I am sick and tired of people assuming Christians only care about whether you’re not drinking and having sex; and if you are reading your bible enough times, and changing enough diapers in the nursery.

In the end you can fix no “sin” on your own. This was the whole point of Christianity. This was the whole point of you know… the cross. Sin in the long run matters nothing. Sure if you get drunk you might do something completely stupid that you would have not done sober. Sure if have sex you might get a STD. Sure if you lie you might lose somebody’s trust. I do believe people realize these points and if they are still willing to do one of these things it is their choice.

If you want to be religious, please by all means call yourself religious and not a Christian, because there is a VERY big difference.

Religion and Christianity both demand perfection. Religion says if you try hard enough eventually you will achieve perfection on your own. Christianity says in Christ I am perfect, and it had NOTHING to with my actions!

In the end I won, and it was a wonderful victory.

The Witch: I'm not a witch I'm not a witch!
Sir Bedevere: But you are dressed as one
The Witch: *They* dressed me up like this!
Crowd: We didn't! We didn't...
The Witch: And this isn't my nose. It's a false one.
Sir Bedevere: [lifts up her false nose] Well?
Peasant 1: Well, we did do the nose.
Sir Bedevere: The nose?
Peasant 1: And the hat, but she is a witch!
Crowd: Yeah! Burn her! Burn her!

*In the end Monty Python makes me laugh*

For my Adolescence Psychology class I had to post a topic on religion and sex. The topic was basically why are people in religion usually less likely to have sex but they are also less likely to use contraception. I thought that this was amusing since I had just been thinking about how I have 1,000 different reasons why religion bothers me. Here is one more! I really do find out more daily.

Here it is:


I would like to start this entry by saying that I am indeed a Christian, and not religious. I will also try and not rant about religion too much.

I believe religion at its basic is just a list. It is a list of things you should be doing to make you good enough for whatever higher power you are trying to please. It is also a list of things you should not be doing to make you either not a part of the religious group you believe in or at bad terms with the higher power you are trying to please.

This relates to sex because sex in the majority of religions is seen as something which is reserved for marriage. It is good to have sex when you're married according to most religions. It is bad to have sex when you're not married, especially in religious Christianity.

Therefore most unmarried people in religious Christianity are not going to admit they are having sex, because they probably feel terrible about having it. Therefore doing anything which would lead people to realize they are having sex becomes forbidden, such as buying or using contraception.

I do believe religious organizations if they are truly religious cannot deal with this issue, because at their core they are forbidding things which are in some cases impossible, due to the list of right and wrong they demand people follow. Adolescences especially are going to screw up. It is in the definition of being an adolescence. The only way to truly deal with this problem it to show people it is alright to make mistakes, since honestly mistakes are inevitable.

This will help people who might decide they cannot wait until they are married to have sex to realize it is ok to use contraception.

I feel like I should change my journal to the 1000 reasons why fundamental Christianity makes me angry, and want to go on a ranting rampage.

Reason one was my comparison to the gay club and church.

Reason two also has to do with church. I am mad about legalism. I am mad because Christians keep people away from a relationship with Jesus in droves. Thousands of people stay as far away from Jesus as possibly because they felt every feeling which accompanies depression from going to a church service or meeting somebody who decides it was a good idea to inform the other person they are a Christian.
I am beyond tired of it. I get more and more tired of this daily, some days hourly.

I realized today if I had not met Chris, my boyfriend, I would have never realized the simple statement Jesus loves me. I have been in church services all my life, but I never understood what agape love was until I met him. It has only been the past year and a half I have understood this. I never understood that Jesus loves me and it is NOT because of my actions. The church never taught me this lesson.
The church however taught me many lessons I have had to unlearn. They are part of my 1,000 reasons.
Why is the love of God not seen everywhere? Why is everyone’ s scarlet letter talked about more in churches than God? Sin does not matter! Sure when you do something you probably don’t need to be doing bad things have a chance of happening. God stopping loving you is NOT one of them! The loss of salvation is not one of them either.

It almost bring me to tears when I learn of a new person who refuses to talk to God because a person told them God was mad at them, or God wanted nothing to do with them until they get there life right. By the way, you don’t have to use these phrases to make people assume this is what you are hinting at. When phrases like “Turn or burn” or “get right or get left” and plastered on church signs people get your point.

If I could take anything back I would take back the many hours spent in church services where legalism was shoved down my throat. I would take back the many hours where I was once again being reaffirmed I was not good enough, or if I could only do this one more thing God would then finally like me. If God then finally liked me I was then allowed to finally like myself. If I only did one more thing I would have what it takes.

I wish I had known then what I know now. God does like me, and I do have what it takes!

And once again tonight is another night where I am reaffirmed of just how much people have been affected negatively by churches.

Apparently I have hit a new milestone in my life. I am now at the point where my boyfriend has started asking me what type of rings I like, and my ring size (since I don’t know my ring size this could present a problem). We have talked about the future. We have talked about the whole marriage talk. I would love to be married to this man.

I suppose the whole idea of a future beyond school seems weird to me. It seems weird to realize that one day I might be a wife, and married. I feel old. I am at that point where everywhere you turn people are getting married.

Some days I remember being 10. I remember when guys were not really in the picture and the fun thing to do was playing with barbies or talking about things which in the scheme of life didn’t matter very much. Sure there were crushes, and boys were talked about. Marriage on the other hand, never.

I was also remembering what first made me get this journal. It was 4 years ago. Back when I was in high school. Back when I thought I knew everything. I wish my 17 year-old self could give me advice right now. Sadly that person is gone. It was also back when I had a message board I would go on daily. I was thinking oddly how sometimes I still miss that message board.

I suppose a part of me is ready for the year 2010 to come. The year 2010 means no more school, no homework, no studying, no deciding whether or not I am going to skip class, and no living on campus. It means I will possibly be getting married to the person I love. It means I will be getting a real job. A part of me really wished I could just time and go ahead to the summer of 2010.

On the other hand, there is another part of me who is not ready for all of this. I thought I was ready; the past couple of months if I could nothing would have stopped me from getting in my time machine and skipping the next two years.

I suppose a part of me is just scared of the unknown. These two parts of me are all of a sudden at war with one another. It made me want to do something about it, which leads me back here.
I don’t know in 2010 maybe I will look back on this particular entry and laugh about how silly and naïve I am right now. I know the future is going to be wonderful. I am ready for it to get here. Most days more than I am willing to admit. Today oddly is not one of those days.

Fall break time again!

It’s time to make a “to-do list” so I can remember all the things I needed to do.

1. Stop being lazy
2. Clean
3. Do Homework
4. Find new ways to Procrastinate

I am bolding the one I am betting gets done.

Tonight I encountered my first experience at a gay club, or really any club for that matter. I have the stamp on my hand to prove it.

The experience was in many ways, possibly every way different than I imagined it to be. People were friendly. I in no way felt awkward, out of place, or as though others were looking at me and judging me since I was not the “norm”.

My encounter with people of this other culture has also changed how I view Christianity, or at least church. Church should be like this place. Church should be friendly. Church should be a place where anyone can come exactly as they are, and not feel awkward, out of place, or as though others are looking at them and judging them since they are not the “norm”. I wish this was the case, but sadly it is not. Sadly church is in many ways, possibly every way different than this. I can understand why it is people do not go to church, but prefer places like this. Everyone wants to feel accepted for who they are, and rightfully should. If anything about yourself changes it should be because you want it to change and NOT because you are trying to conform to what you feel like society, any type of society wants you to become.

Many Christians sadly do not share this view. I can think of a few different people who would be will to “throw stones” at me if they knew I held this view.

However my views in life are changing. Possibly because I am in college. Possibly because my major is in Human Development and Learning. Possibly because I am taking a class titled “Understanding Cultural Diversity” Possibly because this class is changing my views in more ways than I would like to admit.

While watching the debate tonight for the first time I realized Obama becoming president is not the worst thing which could happen to America. It might not be a bad thing. However this thought process has not switched my vote yet, nor will it.

The worst thing to me at this moment is realizing Christians in many ways are nothing like Christians should be. Where is the love? I truly wish every Christian would take one night away from their “magic God bubble” and enter a place like this. It might change nothing. You might leave this place still viewing these people as unworthy, sinners, heathens, hell-bound, unclean, low-lives, and any other word which a “Godly person” may chose to use.

On the other hand, I hope the opposite happen. I hope number one you realize at one time you too were exactly as you are describing these individuals who live “to differently”. Number two, I hope you realize God loves them too. He does not love them anymore or any else than he loves you. He loved them enough to die for them just as much as he loved you!

What happened to this concept in church?

So I am totally writing in here. The other day I was filling out a job application and used my dear old journal to figure out when I worked at an old job. It caused me to have this weird desire to write. Every once in a while I get this random urge to become a serious write. However, since I have ADD something flashy or sparkly will catch my attention and the desire leaves. If you have seen Finding Nemo and remember the character Dory, yeah that is me, except the whole short term memory loss.

What was I doing again? Just kidding.

Life seems like it changes more than I realize it but when I decide to look through old things I become aware of how much life has changed since I was 17 and quite dumb. At that time I thought I knew everything. I have later realized just how little I actually know. The country song “Back when I knew it all” is incredibly accurate.

There are many things in my life which are going on daily I probably never would have bet on when I was an adolescent. College will be over in two years. In two years I will find myself having to get a “real job” and for the first time in my life grow up, possibly.

Growing up is one of those things that is so exciting when your 16. At 16 I have come to realize growing up just means not having someone tell you what to do. It also means getting to drive, and possibly finding “true love”, among other things.
I do believe I have achieved everything on this list; however I still do not feel like I am grown-up. It is funny how life works.

I suppose I have found myself stumbling on an old place.

It seems as though sometimes when I look back, I can remember lovely times spent on and around and during the time I actually used this journal as apposed to other journals or blogs, or whatever name makes you happy.

I also remember back to the lovely days of being a “teenybopper” and a “bubble Christian”. I can recall those certain individuals who rescued me from Mr. U, and his comrades. Those certain individuals also helped me to realize I was apart of fundamental Christianity, which led me on a path of becoming Agnostic to going back to my roots, only finding out what those roots really meant. It led me to find out who Jesus really was, and realizing how much loving people was so much more important than judging them.

I suppose sometimes I miss the good ole’ days, of insecurity, and believing everyone had an “out to get me” state of mind.

I guess miss is too strong of a word. As I sit here however, wondering why I’m not asleep, I keep thinking back, back to the days of ponies, barbies, and secret code names.

Somehow that led me back here, back to Livejournal, back to a place I didn’t think I would come back to, yet here I am.

If there is one thing I have learned it is this. If you’re going to look back on the past, don’t dwell on it. Don’t wonder how things might have turned out different, but look back on the past and find those good memories Find the ones you will never forget.

Yes, I am actuall writing something in here, because I keep feeling like this needs to be said.

This is to everyone in Florida, or other states when I lived in Fl.

I am very sorry. None of you will be able to understand how sorry I am.

From about most of 10th grade, to part of 11th grade I was a terrible person. I look back now and realize how many things I did and said I would have never said had I been the person I am now. I can't change what I did, and I guess as much as I sometimes want to because I don't understand why I did them, I wouldn't change anything.

Here are things about me that are true now, and will stay true until I die.
I am a Christian. I have a past. I did things I woulnd't do if I was a Christian then. I love God with all my heart, mind and sould. I am trying to live my life to bring glory to God. I hope and pray nothing I ever did has had any part even a little in any of you that might read this not coming to Christ, or turning your back on him like I did once.

I now I said I was done with Livejournal, but I felt like God was telling me I needed to look it over and I also needed to post this.

Please forgive me, if this applies to you.

~Sharown~
OH and just incase you weren't sure. God loves you and so do I!

Attention:

I am saying goodbye to Livejournal, and switching to my new home at Xanga. If anybody wants to follow me over there feel free to.

Saturday is Girls Only day, if you are a girl and you want to come, let me know.
If you are a guy, too bad you can't come, because you suck. No not really.
You can only come if you are a guy, and you dress like a girl.

I am getting sick of people telling me who I don't and do need to be dating. Ok so everybody can hear this. I am not dating anybody in ROTC, or anybody that was in ROTC, every again. If I decided that for some reason I want to, I give anybody permission that reads this to shoot me.

Please do too.